surrendering to who I am…

win or lose


Last night, Master and I were playing Word with Friends (WWF). We’d already finished one game during the day where He played three, seven letter words and many other high scoring words. I was getting more and more irritated as the day went on (and it didn’t help that I was feeling grumpy in general). I’d manage to only lose by 89 points, an estimated value of one of His seven letter words.

Then early on in our next game, He put down a seven letter, 69 point word. In complete frustration I wrote to Him, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I want to hit you right now!”

He wrote back, “I get it. What happened to ‘break my will‘? Have I broken you yet?”

I slammed the cover on my iPad and decided I was done for the night.

Master and I have played WWF for a long time now. Current stats for this past year have me at 35 wins and 80 losses (and 3 ties) in playing against Him. My overall record with other friends I play with is about 50% wins to losses, but my losses to Master make up 55% of the losses I’ve incurred.

Playing against Master has honed my skills so much that I often beat my friends in games. I’m used to finding both the highest scoring word possible during a turn as well as the best placement to ensure my opponent doesn’t have the advantage of TW, TL or other such score boosters that I end up pummeling my friends because they don’t play strategically.

I spend so much brain power on my turns with Master that sometimes in other games I just play the first word I see to keep the game moving, and I still often beat my friends at the game. I’m not even playing to win; I’m playing to have fun and a connection with friends. I do get competitive with Master, though. Sometimes I joke that He is beating me in this game just like He would beat me with a whip. He usually just sends me a smiley face.

So, last night with yet another high-scoring word, I felt so frustrated. I did just want to hit Him! I slept on it overnight and came back swinging in the morning. We finished that game in the afternoon, and we ended with a tie. I just smiled and laughed.

Even though I slammed my iPad shut in frustration last night, I did soften when He mentioned breaking my will – especially when I re-read it in the morning.

I replied, “Is that your strategy? Break my will via a word game? If so, it is working.”

“LOL! Good to know,” He replied and then asked, “Does the method matter?”

“No, I guess the method doesn’t matter. A beating is a beating,” I replied.

When we ended in a tie, He wrote, “Fitting that we tied. Well done.” I just breathed a sigh of relief – mostly from my change of attitude from last night to this afternoon.

As our slugfest continued through the afternoon, and we were down to the last few tiles, I noticed that whether it is in this game or in life in general, He is always pushing me to be my best. When I am then out in the world, I am being my best in all other situations.

I realized that in the microcosm of this game, He is teaching me the same thing as He guides me in the other areas of my life. He’s leading me to step up, be my best and let that shine.

So, it doesn’t matter whether I win or lose with Him, it just matters that I step up and follow His lead.

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surrendering to who I am…




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