I am a slave. Whether I ever met you or not, I believe that would be true. My destiny – in short – is then defined as finding my Owner and then living up to our fullest potentials – individually and as One.

I was worried you’d find my message about my need to be owned impersonal. I specifically didn’t mention you or wanting to be yours because while I felt relief at hearing the term “submissive” so many years ago, it did take me a while to embrace this part of me. So moving from accepting my submissive nature to saying, “I am a slave,” I thought deserved its own contemplation and expression. I’m hoping that in starting with how deeply and completely I see how I am a slave that these words have even more dimension:

I want to be Your slave.

When you had me register for my slave number and then shared with me the stages of ownership I would go through, I felt a wave of contentment inside me. Moving from sub to slave to property just feels so right inside.

I’ve been excited and trying to imagine life as your slave. What is most interesting to me about this is that I have very few pre-conceived notions of what slavery will look like with you. In some ways, it is hard for me to imagine exactly what life would look like. At first, I wondered if this was a bad thing, but I’ve concluded it is not. I’m glad I’m not creating specific fantasies of how you’ll be or how I’ll be. To me, that shows that I’m not clinging to some ideal of how things will be and having expectations of our relationship that may lead to disappointment. Instead, I’m excited at the prospect of allowing the innate beauty of what we share between us to grow and blossom in ways that we can both imagine and not imagine.

That said, I do wonder what things you’ll have me do. Will you have me dress a certain way? Will you have me address you differently than I do now? Will you have rituals for me to perform to show my devotion to you on a regular basis? Will I show that I am yours through things beyond the bedroom like bathing you, massaging you, cooking for you, running errands for you, etc. (although I chuckle at this, because I’d love to do some of these things for you, but I also wonder if you’d allow me to hire help in some areas!)? What will my training involve? What skills do you want me to develop? So many questions, and I smile whenever I think of one because I know that whatever the answers are you see my potential in everything you’ll require of me and know that my desire to please you will drive me to the heights I’m meant to reach. And what I love the most is that every time I please you I also satisfy the deep need you have to own me and that you’ll also be attaining the heights you’re meant to reach. We’ll be fueling each other in ways that most people only dream, and we’ll have a connection and a passionate love between us that never dies.

As excited as I get about being your slave, I do sometimes feel vulnerable and scared – and yes even sometimes panicky. I’m scared that in our exploration I’ll reach a limit I cannot cross or that you’ll ask me to serve you in a way that I cannot. It is hard for me not to imagine the end of our relationship in such a case and that petrifies me. In these moments I try to soothe myself by knowing that you always have and always will have my best interests at heart and that you want our exploration to be fun and to push my limits in a way that they can truly be expanded and not forced. These thoughts do give me comfort but moments of vulnerability and fright still surface.

You’ve always seen the best in me. You’ve never accepted my “story” as the truth of who I am. If we never took this path toward your full and complete ownership of me, I would still count you as the single most important person in my life because you have given me the gift of permission to be who I am. I’ve never questioned that I would stay on the path to release my demons and transform my body so that it is in alignment with who I am. But it has been very hard to imagine walking that path and not ending up in your arms…which really wouldn’t be the end but the beginning…

I am forever Yours.

The funny thing about the journey of self-discovery is that we search and struggle to find the words to describe what we already are.

When we first slept together years ago, you casually yet deliberately talked about BDSM and used a word I’d never really associated with myself: submissiveness. As I’ve told you many times, I can’t even explain the relief I felt at finally having a name for the feelings I had inside. It’s not that I’d never heard the word before, but I finally had a context…and a connection to something profound inside me.

It seems an injustice to sum up the years since that “a-ha” moment in a few words. The struggle to untangle the mixed messages, the suppressed feelings and the beliefs I adopted to make sense of the world I grew up in has not – as you are well aware – been an easy road. Through it all, I’ve unearthed more and more of my true nature and discovered the clues that have pointed to who I am all along.

When I reflect on my life standing on the crest of self-awareness I now have, I recognize that it is not just that I have a submissive nature. My desire to please and my longing to serve run deep inside me. I’m not sure exactly when I identified it, but I do remember realizing some time ago that I am not just a bedroom submissive. My submissiveness is not something I turn on or off. And even though I’ve learned along the way that submitting is not something I do with everyone (or just anyone), encounters where I did submit only left me yearning not just for more but for a fuller expression of who I am. My submissive nature makes me capable of submitting to various Dominants; yet individual acts (or a string of them) cannot and will not satisfy my innate desires.

My heart, my body, my mind, my soul crave to be owned. I want to entrust the raw essence of who I am to the one person who can not only dominate me but possess me. I want my protection, safety and well-being to be a given so that the choice to submit vanishes. I want to follow His voice into what now seems like the unknown, exploring the territory I’ve only imagined in my dreams…a place where limits are few or non-existent and the freedom to be who I am…who He is…and who we are is truly unbounded. I want Him to mold and shape my essence into the form that serves Him, pleases Him and lets His true essence shine through. I want to be His property, His prized possession and a living testimony to all that is possible when we are who we are meant to be.

I am a slave.