I’m on restriction still. I can’t play with my nipples or masturbate to orgasm.

After I wrote my last post, I was quite worked up and asked Master if I could masturbate. He replied,

“I like it when you’re horny. As someone said on The Upper Floor, ‘Let the bitch stew!’

No masturbation today…no orgasms today.”

As usual, this caused me to both stick out my pouty lip and get even more horny!

Well, leave it to a sub to find a loophole. I’m now fascinated with bringing myself to the brink of orgasm without touching myself. I proceeded to work myself up to the verge of two orgasms that afternoon. I told Master of my mischievousness, but then got nervous that perhaps I’d crossed the no masturbation line. He said I’d indeed found the loophole, and that because I didn’t touch myself or have an orgasm I was fine.

When Master and I talked on Monday, we realized I’d gone 10 days. He suggested that the restriction might continue well into next week, and I panicked slightly. He warned me not to beg. It was a luscious mix of sexual frustration and excitement at the thought He might torture me in this way for a while.

He called back later that night and said I could play with my nipples only to orgasm. He didn’t put any restrictions on the number of orgasms, just that I could only play with my nipples (and He was explicit that I couldn’t touch my pussy or play with my dildo in my ass…which is another loophole I thought of invoking until He beat me to the punch with a no).

I came within 15 minutes of playing with my nipples. It wasn’t a race to see how fast I could cum but just an indication of how primed I already was! It felt really good and pretty intense. I waited until I was ready for bed, so the one orgasm was quite satisfying and I didn’t try for more. I slept very well that night.

The next morning when I reported back to Master, he said I was back on restriction until further notice.

These past few days with work have suppressed my libido for now, so the sexual frustration is minimal at the moment. Even in these moments when I’m not totally worked up, I love just the thought that He is in control of my pleasure.

My pussy tingles with every question: How long will this last? Will He allow me an orgasm here and there? When will He give permission next? What will His instructions be? Every thought produces the same feeling as if He was in the room caressing my body, licking my nipples, pulling on my nipple rings or fingering my pussy.

My nipples are still tender from Master’s visit yesterday.

Every twinge makes my pussy wet.

I play and pull and slap and tug on my own nipples. I’ve now even started masturbating with clothespins on my nipples. Each of these activities produces a certain level of pain that gets me off. Yet, nothing compares to the pain Master inflicts on me.

I’m thinking about that scene in the movie Secretary where she is trying to use a hairbrush to spank her own ass. I’ve always identified with this scene, although my feelings toward it right now are different than when I first saw it.

That scene describes – without words – the craving for something that feeds your soul. When I first saw it, I felt her desire to recapture the feeling she had tasted and seemingly lost. In the context of the scene, she was trying to recreate something that seemed elusive.

Given where I’m at in my relationship with Master, I’m not worried that the feeling or the fulfillment of that need is so elusive anymore. Now I view this scene with the eye that there is only so far I can go to inflict pain on myself. Even when I’m trying to inflict pain on myself, there is a part of me afraid of it. Can I really stand it? Will it be too much?

I’ve spent so much of my life avoiding pain. When I’ve felt intense pain, I’ve numbed it….anything I could do to manage it and keep it at bay.

I now seem to be at a tipping point. I’m afraid of it, but I want it. I’m craving it. I’m craving pain.

I have a punishment coming. I’m not proud of what I did to deserve the punishment. I don’t imagine or pretend it will be enjoyable, but there is a part of me that is craving it. I want to feel the pain. I want to feel His power over me and through me. I want my resistance broken down with every stroke. I want to open myself up to Him and let Him in in ways I haven’t allowed before.

I want to feel the pain.

me: “I finished my work. May I play with my toys before going to bed?”

Him: “No toys tonight. Get some rest.”

After my discovery this weekend of female ejaculation and multiple orgasms, I’ve been kind of addicted to my dildo! I told Master he’d have to come confiscate it from me so I could get work done this week. It was a fun and playful exchange where he pretended he was talking through a megaphone saying, “…just back away.  That’s it, back away from the dildo.” He also told me, “Stop…don’t touch,” which I took to heart.

So, with my work done last night, I knew I needed to ask permission now before playing with my toys. I wanted the answer to be yes but figured the answer would be no. Both answers are very arousing to me. If he’d said yes, I’m sure I would have enjoyed another round of multiple orgasms and feeling that wonderfully warm female cum spurt out of my pussy with each one.

He said no though, so I didn’t. I noticed a nervous twitch as I tried to go to sleep. The kept feeling the urge to reach for the vibrator as I usually do before I go to sleep each night.

I woke up this morning with that same urge. I feel like I’m trying to turn around in a very tight space…wanting to masturbate and knowing he’s said no. No blindfolds, no cuffs, no rope…yet he’s got me restrained. He’s not in the same room with me yet he’s got me all tied up.

My pussy pulses. Even in my everyday activities, I’m in a constant state of arousal, feeling like my legs are spread no matter what I’m doing. My pussy’s exposed and available to respond to His will.

It’s in moments like these that I already feel owned.

Saturday mornings are nice. You don’t have to jump out of bed and start the day. I’m also relishing that August has arrived after a very hectic July, and I’m looking forward to life calming down a bit.

I hug my pillow while laying on my side. I imagine I’m laying in Master’s arms. I notice my breath and take long, slow inhales and exhales. I had many little reminders this week of how I am His, and I smile as I remember each one of them. Sometimes I feel antsy when I’m having these wonderful feelings and he’s not right here, right now to share them with me. But this morning I breathe and let myself sink into the Truth: I’m His.

I roll onto my back and open my legs. The cool air highlights the dampness between them. Thinking of Him keeps me at least on simmer and in a steady state of wetness. The air carries a whiff of my pussy. I love the smell of sex! I especially love the way I smell after he’s fucked me, and our bodily fluids and scents are mingled together. I caress my thighs and imagine Him looking at my pussy. I like being under His watchful eye.

I gently pull on my nipple ring and chuckle to myself remembering how he commented this week that he didn’t realize he was getting me  a new toy when he purchased these circular barbells back in February.

I run my fingers ever so lightly over the delicate skin of my breast. My nipple hardens. I keep it aroused tracing soft circles around it. I think about masturbating but I imagine Him telling me, “No…wait.” The thought ripples with a surge of pleasure through my body straight down to my pussy. I stretch my whole body trying to disperse the excitement. I don’t touch my clit, but I know it’s hard. I rock my hips back and forth slowly and rhythmically. I feel the primal, deep need to be fucked rising inside me. I stretch again, not wanting to give in…not yet.

I spread my legs wider. Open. Waiting. Ready.

Remnants remain in my mind
The sound of his voice
The sight of his smile
The taste of his kisses
The touch of his hands
The scent of our bodies
mingling together

Craving closeness
knowing miles separate us

Seeking satisfaction
yet it is not the same

Anxiously anticipating
the moment
when he
returns