Sometimes I feel sorry for vanilla folks. Although you don’t have to be into BDSM to be adventurous in sex, I love that being in a D/s relationship takes me beyond my limits in so many ways….ways that just seem to open up my world more and more.

In the past two years with Master, I definitely feel like I’ve been blossoming – both inside and outside the bedroom. My body continues to amaze me. It started with squirting for the first time , first by myself then with Master. For several months now, I’ve had to ask permission to cum during sex, which ultimately resulted in me cumming on command. Now – more recently - all my orgasms are under His control.

When He entered my ass on Friday afternoon, though, I figured that it would be highly arousing but I didn’t expect to have an orgasm. I’ve been given the assignment to stretch my ass regularly so that I can be ready for Him to enter me at anytime. On this particular day, I’d done so right before He arrived, figuring if He chose to fuck my ass, I’d be prepared.

He entered my ass from the missionary position. This was new for me since He’s usually fucked my ass from behind. I enjoyed the face-to-face position….and all that happened next. I wrote this to Him that night reflecting on the experience…

“I know I said it when you were here, but I’ll say it again that I really enjoyed our anal sex this afternoon. While it hurt some on your initial entry, it felt good the rest of the time. I was pretty convinced I wasn’t going to cum with you in my ass. I was definitely turned on and there were a couple of thrusts were you pressed against my pussy/clit, and I thought if we could keep that up it might happen. When the orgasm started to well up to the surface, your thrusts weren’t directly stimulating my clit or pussy at that moment, so I was surprised it was happening. Then when the orgasms came one after another, I just marveled at my body. It’s such a distinct feeling of giving up control and letting it happen. I know that this is what it is all about, but with each level of surrendering, I am in awe.”

Last Saturday I learned the wonderful capabilities of my body and experienced female ejaculation and multiple orgasms for the first time. I’ve been sharing with Master all week in much detail as I learned more about my body through my (somewhat obsessive) exploration with my dildo. I couldn’t wait for Master to come and experience all of this with me (pun intended).

“I’m on my way…I’m trying to decide what to do with you first,” He says on the phone. My body tingles knowing my wait to see him is ending. I also love that he is plotting and planning and that my job is to surrender.

I showed Master my newfound skills. I was a bit worried about performance anxiety and if I’d be able to replicate cumming with an audience. That worry was quite unfounded. Having Master watch me masturbate is highly arousing. He massaged around my vulva as I masturbated with this wonderful g-spot tool. I loved how his strong touch enhanced the deep pleasures welling up from inside me.

I don’t even know how long we spent having sex. Time suspended. We did so many things…he fucked my sopping wet pussy after I came masturbating for Him…I licked his ass and fucked it with my tongue…he tried to fuck my ass (more on that later)…he blindfolded me…he whipped me with something new (he wouldn’t tell me what it was) and I loved it…he fucked my pussy with my g-spot tool and watched the cum come out of me like a waterfall…he pulled on one of my nipples while doing this and I came (with cum) instantly, which pleased me no end…he then put his cock in my pussy and I ejaculated with him inside me (which pleasantly surprised him)….I licked his nipples and He came…I asked to lick his balls and reveled in savoring them…while down there I explored his ass with my tongue again…I licked his nipples one more time…He came again…and I lapped up every last drop of cum before resting in his arms.

We spent the rest of the day together, and I enjoyed spending so much uninterrupted time with him. In fact, I didn’t even realize how late it was when he finally got up to leave.

He called me on his way home, which was wonderful since I didn’t really want our day to end. He gave me an assignment to work on stretching my ass with my dildo over the next two weeks, which I will eagerly do. We then talked and talked until he got home. I love how we still have so much we’re learning about each other.

I slept soundly and deeply…the best I’ve slept in a while actually. I woke gradually this morning. I feel very content, but I also have an empty feeling.

I hate this feeling after he leaves. In the past, it has triggered other feelings related to times as a child when I felt left alone. Before when I didn’t recognize that I was being triggered, I’d focus on whatever I felt was not perfect about our relationship and we’d deal with that for however many days. I look back and I lament how the old marred the new…and how confusing it must have been for Master to have a great time with me and then have me be so sad or mad or upset afterwards.

Since joining FetLife, I’ve realized there is a term for this: subdrop. I didn’t realize that most (if not all) subs experience this. From my reading I know it can vary in degrees. I’d say today is a mild case of subdrop. Still I’d rather do without it!

When I start to feel the emptiness, I close my eyes and caress my body. I lightly touch my nipples and tug on the rings. I imagine Master is watching me or guiding me and asking me to soothe myself since he’s not here. I think about suckling his cock. He and I have joked that it is my “pacifier.” I take my dildo and suckle it. Surprisingly, it does help.

I’ve always struggled with my needs…that I am somehow bad for having them. It’s taken me a lot to untangle those messages…and it’s in times like these when I can be with the feelings rather than succumbing to them that I realize how far I’ve come.

I know He is not going away. I feel that comfort more and more each day. I also feel Him weaving more and more into the fiber of my being. In that sense, I feel myself going through a metamorphosis. I will not just one day suddenly be His slave…I am becoming His slave.

What is black and white and red all over? Not a newspaper…my ass!

“What are you doing?” He asked me on a Monday afternoon. I’d just finished a project before he called. I did have a to-do list that I rattled off to him, but I knew he’d just left his office and was near my house. I wondered if he wanted to come over…I wanted him to come over.

“It sounds like you’re busy,” He says as my heart drops. I laughed a little bit on the inside, though….did he really expect me to say I was doing nothing on a workday afternoon?

He did come over. I was cleaning up a bit before he arrived. I’d had my body brush out scratching an itch on my back the day before. I was going to put it away when I thought he might like to use it.

He wanted me to lick his balls. I could do that all day long. I love the feel of my tongue on the delicate skin…taking each ball into my mouth as I suck ever so gently. His moans make my pussy wet as I take my tongue from the bottom of his balls and lick all the way up to the shaft. I run my lips around the head of his cock before I take it into my mouth. I position myself so he can see my hanging breasts and I rub them against him while I take his cock as deeply as I can into my throat. I’m bound and determined to deep throat him someday. He grabs my hair to help me take it deeper.

He asks me if I’m ready for him to fuck my ass. “Of course!” I said glibly. While it has been a long time since he’s done that to me, I’d been able to take his big cock into my ass before.

Before he fucks my ass, he takes that body brush and starts whacking my ass. Oh man it hurt! I writhe and yelp with every stroke. “Stay put,” He commands even though I’m wanting to crawl up the bed and away. He only needed to tell me once, and I focused on taking every stroke. It felt better when he turned and used the brush side – that gave a bit of pleasure mixed with the pain. The backside of the brush though just plain hurt!

“There’s lube in my nightstand,” I said with my ass in the air as I wondered for a brief moment if he would try without it. He took out a brand new bottle but I pointed him to the used bottle that was also in there. He got a glimpse into my goodie drawer…and some new toys I’ve acquired since he last saw it.

“A slut is always prepared,” I commented.

“Not always,” He said.

“Your slut is always prepared,” I corrected myself.

“Yes,” He said with a little chuckle.

He used one of my toys to help stretch me a bit. I was surprised how much it hurt! He then started to slide his thick cock into my tight ass. I tried to relax to take him in. I always want of feel all of his cock inside of me – whichever hole he chooses to use.

I’d take as much as I could and then tell him to stop. He’d let me pause a moment before pushing again. At one point he asked me if I was OK, and I said yes even though my body was saying differently. I had brief flashes to times when he was able to fuck my ass balls deep and realized we’d have to work back up to that. He pulled out as I sighed a bit of disappointment… which didn’t last for long.

After washing, he invited me into in his arms. I instinctively took one of his nipples into my mouth and then looked up at him and asked if he wanted me to lick his nipples. He pointed out to me that I didn’t ask first, and I apologized and asked permission. I licked his nipples while he masturbated. The very first night we slept together I instinctively licked his nipples while he masturbated. I remember him telling me how special I was for doing that. To this day, it is one of my favorite things to do…especially when he grabs my hair and directs where he wants my mouth to be.

Just as he was about to come, I took his cock into my mouth and swallowed every drop. I love how he tastes, and I love making sure not a drop is wasted.

I laid in his arms and he wondered how I’d take a cane if I writhed and yelped so much with “just a brush.” I laughed and asked if he thought I was being too dramatic. He did seem to think my reaction was out-of-proportion. He said I needed to be able to take 50 strokes.

Before he left, he took the brush and spanked me again – hard and fast. When he finished, he said that was 25. Honestly, I wasn’t counting and just enjoyed the air on my stinging skin as I tried to catch my breath.

As we lingered at the door, I don’t remember what I said but he replied, “I’ll get the brush again.” I gave him a smart look with my eyes, and he walked back to the bedroom. I leaned over the couch, and this time counted in my mind every single stroke. It hurt even more given that my skin was already stinging from the other 25. As I received #25, I turn around on the verge of tears and trying to catch my breath. “Next time you’ll count outloud,” He said as he hugged me.

We took the picture the next day. I’m still trying to reconcile how my reactions to the brush could be out-of-proportion given the bruises I was sporting!! While he has spanked me fairly recently, I have not had regular beatings. I imagine in some small way it is like getting waxed. The first time you’re waxed it just hurts like hell! After a while, it still hurts but your tolerance increases.

I realize that a lot of what excites me when he spanks me is the mix of pleasure and pain (as he soothes my skin in between strokes)…which didn’t happen with the brush. Nevertheless, enduring the pain and knowing that pleases Him still excites me. I experienced a lot of pleasure walking around in the days following knowing my ass had all these beautiful bruises…and watching them fade is bittersweet. I like being marked as His. He says he wants to take me the verge of crying…and then take me further to where I can’t help but cry. I have no doubt He will…and I look forward to it.