surrendering to who I am…

noticing my collar

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It’s been a little over a year since Master collared me. Before He locked it, I wore it unlocked in various scenarios. I wore it home during the day for a few hours and at night, then out in the day for a few hours, then all day and then 24 hours unlocked for a couple of days until He locked it. One of my biggest concerns during this period was how other people would react to my collar. I was sure that it was the equivalent of wearing a neon sign on my forehead that said, “I am a submissive.” I worried and had a lot of anxiety about what other people would say about it.

The thing is nobody ever really says anything about it. A few family members initially looked at me and asked, “What is that?” I replied, “A new necklace,” and then the conversation stopped. Every once in while someone at a store might say, “Nice necklace” or “What an unusual necklace?” but – for the most part – people keep their comments to themselves.

There are two scenarios, however, where I have received comments. One is at airport security and the other is with small children.

About a six weeks after being collared, I went on an airplane trip. I didn’t think twice about the metal on my collar, so I walked through the metal detector and set it off. I had to go through a hand wanding procedure and a pat down. I guess the good thing about that trip is I didn’t have a chance to think about it. Since I hadn’t had a chance to ask Master if He’d be willing to unlock it for travelling, I had to deal with it being locked. I realized pretty quickly that I could travel with it locked; I’d just have to plan for the time delay at security and be willing to have the hand wand and pat down.

On another trip about six months later during my TSA pat down, the security woman tried to joke but said with concern in her voice, “Did someone hogtie you?” When I told Master this afterwards, He asked, “Did you say yes?” While I was tempted to, she said it with enough seriousness that I didn’t want to add to her obvious concern. As it was, it was the most thorough pat down I’d received to date (which in a fantasy context is kind of hot!). She asked me how I got the “necklace” off, and I told her there was a key, but I didn’t have it on me. Every time I go through security, the TSA personnel in general look at me with such incredulity that the “necklace” does not come off.

So, I’ve gotten used to this as I go through security. I became concerned this past month as the new “enhanced pat downs” have been added to security procedures. Some people’s accounts of these pat downs got me worrying. First I don’t agree that the pat downs should be implemented (but that is a topic for another blog); second it is one thing to fantasize about a pat down like this but it is another to experience it. I didn’t think about this in time to ask Master if He’d be willing to unlock it (He was already travelling Himself), so I just had to deal with it. My concerns were not well-founded, though. I was subjected to the “enhanced” pat down. While it was a bit more “touchy feely” than previous pat downs, it wasn’t really any worse than before. So, as usual had a slight delay at security and went on my merry way.

I could ask Master to unlock/remove the collar before I travel; however, since I’m not always travelling with Him, it can add to the logistics. Also, I’d rather not have the collar unlocked or to not wear it at all while I travel. So, going through security and doing the pat down ends up being a small price to pay.

The second scenario where I get comments on my collar is with small children. Two, young girls of a friend of mine have seen me twice in this past year – about six months apart. The first time they saw it, the older one asked, “What’s that around your neck?” I said a necklace. She commented it was different. I told her it was a choker-type necklace.  Since she didn’t know what that was she just started to worry it was hurting me. I assured her it wasn’t hurting me and let her put her fingers underneath to show that. The younger one then said, “That doesnt look like a necklace” and later asked, “Does your necklace come off?” I just smiled and told her it was a special necklace for me and that I don’t take it off.

When I saw them six months later, they were still fascinated with it. The older one asked, “Have you been wearing that since you were born?” I just smiled. I said I’d been wearing it for a little over a year. “Does it come off?” I said it can come off but I don’t take it off. She wanted to touch it and see the clasp. She said, “I’ve never seen you without it.” Well, I don’t see them very much, and the last time I saw them was this past summer. I guess her memory of “never” seems like a long time. The younger one touched it and said something. I didn’t hear her, so I asked her to repeat it. She wouldn’t. She said never-mind. I told her it was OK to say whatever she said. So, she told me it looks like a leash! 🙂 I just smiled. Out of the mouths of babes! I’m sure these are questions adults want to ask but don’t.

My fears about people noticing and commenting on my collar don’t exist anymore. I proudly wear my collar, and enjoy when people do notice it. Even if they don’t comment, I know people notice and wonder. When I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or even as I look in the mirror one last time before heading out the door, I always smile at how the collar adds to “my look.” I feel sexy and pretty with it, and I love wearing something every day and out in public and reminds me who owns me.

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surrendering to who I am…

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