surrendering to who I am…



I took a class a couple of weeks ago on meditation. Instead of “how to” it was more of a survey of all sorts of meditation techniques. We tried various ones as a group to support our individual quests to find the type each of us would most likely integrate into our daily lives.

I learned a lot about myself that week. During the walking meditation, I discovered more about the way I walk in 20 minutes than I have ever  known. In particular, I noticed I try not to move my hips when I walk. I felt deep sadness when I realized this. As sexy a creature as I am, I decided early on in my life to keep that part inside…lest I get hurt. What if I actually let my hips move when I walk? What if I felt as sexy on the outside as I do on the inside? I’m letting my hips move now, and it feels new and different…and exciting! 🙂

One meditation technique we talked about in class but didn’t practice was meditation during sex. Since that seed was planted, I’ve let my mind wander in daydreaming moments of sucking on Master’s cock. Taking his cock into my mouth is always something I relish, and I don’t feel like I ever rush it per se…but I did wonder if I could meditate while sucking his cock. Well, I got an opportunity to practice tonight!

For as many times as I’ve had his cock in my mouth, there’s always something special about the moment when the head first touches my lips. I feel my body relax with a deep sigh. It’s like my mouth was meant to be filled…filled wholly and completely with Him.

Instead of concentrating on what I was doing or worrying about anything (too fast? too slow? more? less?), I just allowed myself “to be.” I suckled his cock, taking the head in and out…feeling the smoothness of the head glide over my lips. Time suspended.

Master directed me as he pleased, grabbing my hair and having me take him deeper or even moving my head to lick his nipples. I followed – mind, body and spirit in sync.  I was so in tune, I moved instinctively and gracefully from his nipples to his cock just as he came.

Master comforts me in so many ways: His firm voice when I hesitate…His direction when I’m floundering…His steadiness when I feel weak…His authenticity when I feel surrounded by illusions.

I am who I am without Him, but he completes me in more ways than I can imagine.

The only thing he has ever really demanded of me is to be who I am.

I surrender to who I am.

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surrendering to who I am…




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