surrendering to who I am…

look Master, no hands!

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Last week, I mentioned how re-watching a video about humiliation made me cum without touching myself.

I have cum without touching myself before. I remember the first time it happened…

I was in my early 20’s. I was at work on a weekend (or after hours, I’m not sure which). That was back when the Web wasn’t even a sparkle in Tim Berners-Lee’s eyes. Home internet access wasn’t the norm, so I was reading Usenet newsgroups after finishing my work.

I started reading an erotic stories newsgroup. The stories were getting me all hot and bothered. I was by myself, but I didn’t think I should touch myself right there in the office. I could feel the excitement building. I squeezed my legs together tight, and then the tingles washed over me. I couldn’t believe it. I’d just had an orgasm!

I also know that I’ve had orgasms before in my sleep – just from dreams and not from touching myself while asleep. So, while I’ve known having orgasms without touching myself was possible, I haven’t given much thought or credence to my ability to do so…that was until I had them again watching this Public Disgrace video Master shared.

When I came twice without touching myself watching this video for the first time, it made me start to wonder about my ability to do this on a regular basis. There are times since with Master where I could feel the orgasm starting to well up inside me without direct stimulation of my pussy. I would ask Him for permission to cum but then feel the urge subside. I didn’t want to cum without permission, but then performance anxiety would take over once I announced it.

Then last week two things happened: I came without touching myself while re-watching the video and then (separately) Master came over and we teased and played with each other without cumming. (He, of course, was directing the action, but we had a fun time just arousing each other.)

When He left after our teasing each other, He said I could masturbate to one good orgasm and then He put me on nipple and masturbation restriction until further notice. The teasing was going to continue remotely. 🙂

I had my one orgasm then went five days without nipple play or masturbating. On the sixth day I was really horny, and I started thinking there might be a loophole in my restriction. He didn’t want me to play with my nipples or masturbate, but what if I came without playing with myself?

While I had discovered this loophole, I knew I needed to ask before proceeding. I sent Master an e-mail asking permission to cum without touching myself, but he’d already gone to bed so I knew permission wouldn’t happen that night.

Still, I wondered how far I could arouse myself. So, I looked at some videos and read some online stories. I got myself very worked up. I started to feel the orgasm welling up inside me, and I knew I needed to stop and not cum without permission. I wasn’t quite sure how to stop myself at that point; I was a hair’s breath from going over the edge.

I know guys sometimes think about sports when they want to distract themselves. So, I thought “baseball.” I’m not really into baseball, so all I could think about was the word baseball. I repeated it a couple of times and felt my body retreat from the impending orgasm. It was the weirdest sensation. I felt the tingles start to come over my body (in particular my legs) but they stopped short of enveloping me and sending me over the edge. I had to lie perfectly still for a couple of minutes. I know if I had made even the slightest move, I would have had an orgasm. My pussy felt like it was on fire. I couldn’t believe I’d brought myself that close to the edge without touching myself.

The next morning Master responded to my request. He said if I was that horny then I should cum without touching myself and report back on my experience.

I was glad I didn’t cum the night before (actually more proud that I stopped myself so close to the edge), and I looked forward to doing it again that night.

It took me about an hour to work myself up. I watched various videos and read stories. All were arousing, but what sent me over the edge was watching a video where a woman had clothespins on her pussy lips and she was being playfully tortured by two other women. I came pretty quickly after starting that video. It was quite late at this point, so I wrote a quick thank you to Master for my orgasm with a report to follow.

I’m struck that my recent ability to orgasm without direct stimulation seems easiest when I’m watching videos about humiliation. It adds to my own intrigue about what I don’t know about myself (and my body) yet and what is truly possible.

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surrendering to who I am…

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