surrendering to who I am…



Master shared with me a video a while ago from the site Public Disgrace. The hour long video showcases a woman being used by many men in a bar.

The first time I viewed this video, I just watched. I was aroused but did not touch myself at all. The video worked me up so much, I came twice without touching myself.

I’ve since viewed the video off and on at various times. Sometimes I pull it up as masturbation inspiration (using my vibrator).

I pulled it up again this past week. I flipped through the video (I’ve come to know exactly where my favorite parts are). After only a few minutes of watching it, I came again without touching myself.

I’m a little bit surprised at how drawn I am to this video. Master has shared other videos with me, but this is the one I view over and over again.

The first time I viewed it, Master asked me to outline what I liked and didn’t like. In general, I liked the gang-bang aspects of it, and I didn’t like the humiliation.

It’s still hard for me to see things like her head or throat being stepped on and other types of humiliation, but I also can’t deny how arousing this whole video is for me.

After Master and I slept together for the first time, he asked me what my limits were. I answered, “I don’t know.” He said, “That’s the best answer you could’ve given.”

When Master shows me videos like this, I’m honest about what I like and don’t like. I don’t see it as expressing my limits; I’m just giving my honest, off the top of my head reaction.

I know my fantasies and what turns me on, but Master’s punishment a couple of weeks ago and re-watching this video have made me think about the things I don’t know about myself yet…the things that arouse me in ways deeper than I knew possible.

My body seems to know more about this than my mind does, and I wonder with excitement what will happen if I listen and let it guide me.

1 comment

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surrendering to who I am…




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