two-in-one
I often feel like there are two people inside of me.
One part of me feels like a scared, little girl. She reacts as if everything hurts her or is about to hurt her. She’s defensive. She worries about people being mad or upset with her. She bends to make sure they’re happy. She believes she won’t get what she wants, and she pouts and can get demanding in her own way – even if she thinks she’s not.
The other part of me feels like a maturing young woman. She’s grown but still blossoming. She may be a bit naive, but she adjusts/learns quickly. She’s calm and peaceful. She doesn’t feel the need to convince people of things one way or the other (although she also tends to keep good ideas to herself when people would welcome them). She’s acutely aware of her surroundings and perceptive to non-verbal cues and meanings behind what is said. She has a strong desire to serve but not as a means to prove her worth.
The little girl is louder than the young woman. She has more energy in any given moment, especially when she senses a danger or a threat. Everything is immediate, and problems have to be solved right now.
The young woman is patient. She senses when the time is right. Her energy is sustained and can last a long time because she doesn’t expend it all in spurts. She discerns whether threats and danger are real and – when they are not – is skilled at hearing the fear that others perceive and helps them to calm down. She has an innate ability to be in the flow and realizes problems untie themselves when living and reacting in the present moment.
The little girl may express herself more, but the young woman is always present. The little girl has been around longer. She likes the young woman, and she sees herself as the gatekeeper – keeping the young woman safe from all the dangers she sees.
The young woman sees the little girl’s pain. She helps and guides the girl and looks for ways to comfort her. She knows that taking care of the little girl is important because she’s benefited from her protection. Even though she knows the girl’s protection is no longer needed, she waits in her usual, patient way for the little girl’s voice to quiet down.
August 19, 2010 at 12:31 am
[...] In the grand scheme of things, I’d say this is a relatively minor incident. We have not discussed it since, and in some ways it isn’t even worth noting. What strikes me about this, though, is my two different reactions. It is an example and sheds more awareness on how I sometimes feel like two different people. [...]