I’m working on stretching my anus so Master can easily fuck my ass.

He’d mentioned having me stretch myself a while ago. I interpreted what he said as “someday.” When he mentioned it again two weeks ago, there was something about the tone of His voice that I realized it wasn’t some future thing…but now. So, I started that night. I used my g-spot toy, which was great. It has two “bulbs” on the end, making for nice anal massage.

I then got a little eager and used my dildo the next day. I got it in and all seemed well. I thought I was ready for Master. I must have gotten a tear, though, because when Master tried it just hurt. At Master’s suggestion, I let it heal for a few days. Now I am back to stretching.

I’m really enjoying giving myself anal massage. I’m actually surprised I have not discovered this sooner! It is so very relaxing. I know my goal is to stretch for Master, but giving myself a nightly anal massage along with masturbating just seems like a fine routine.

…

I start out by lubing my g-spot toy. I lay on my side and bring one knee up. The cool lube feels like it is melting as it touches my warm skin. I guide the end to my anus. I run the bulb end over it to coax myself to relax. I push gently but firmly, and I feel my body allow this object in. I pause…not because it hurts but to savor the opening feeling.

I start moving my toy in and out, a little deeper each time. When I sense I’ve inserted to the widest part of my toy I pause again, savoring the open feeling more. I allow myself to explore and feel all the different sensations. Short thrusts…long ones…fast…slow. My pussy gets more and more wet but I concentrate solely on my ass.

I imagine Master spooning with me and his cock moving in and out of me. I smile as I think how relaxing this is and laugh a little at the idea of Master telling me to “go massage your ass” in moments when I’m totally worked up and need to relax.

My body enjoys each sensation, and my mind wanders to all the ways Master can use my ass.

I slowly pull the toy all the way out and go to the sink to wash it and wipe up a bit. I come back to the bed, spread my legs and insert the toy into my very wet pussy. Hitting my g-spot with these rhythmic thrusts is so deeply satisfying. The first orgasm wells up inside me. The feeling like you’re going to pee (as people describe) is definitely true. It also feels very out of control to let go and ejaculate (which is why I suspect most women hold on and don’t allow themselves to go there). The warm cum flowing up and out of my body and then dripping down my pussy and onto the towel in between me and the sheets gets me more aroused. The orgasms and the cum just keep flowing. I could probably keep going and going. When I feel mostly satisfied, I rub my clit for a nice finale.

I curl up with my pillow to start drifting off to sleep…but something feels like it is missing. I start thinking how suckling Master’s cock would be the perfect way to fall asleep. Without him here, I pull out my dildo and put it in my mouth. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out as my lips curl around it and my eyes close. My tongue follows the ridge of the head and the saliva seeps from my from lips and makes suckling it easier. I push it in as far as it will go (seeing if I can go further each time) and then pull it out to the tip to suckle some more. I don’t even notice as my movements slow. My awareness returns briefly as the dildo feels heavy in my hand. I allow my jaw to drop a little to release it from my mouth. I move my hand to the edge of the bed and let the dildo drop to the floor. I pull my hand back under the covers and drift to sleep.

…

Preparing myself so I am ready for Him – whether it is stretching my ass, surrendering to the capabilities of my body like being able to ejaculate, practicing with a dildo so I can take his cock deeper into my throat or suckling a dildo to pacify myself when he’s not here – is  fun and satisfying. But my greater joy is having my mind, body and soul ready, willing and able to serve at His pleasure.

Last Saturday I learned the wonderful capabilities of my body and experienced female ejaculation and multiple orgasms for the first time. I’ve been sharing with Master all week in much detail as I learned more about my body through my (somewhat obsessive) exploration with my dildo. I couldn’t wait for Master to come and experience all of this with me (pun intended).

“I’m on my way…I’m trying to decide what to do with you first,” He says on the phone. My body tingles knowing my wait to see him is ending. I also love that he is plotting and planning and that my job is to surrender.

I showed Master my newfound skills. I was a bit worried about performance anxiety and if I’d be able to replicate cumming with an audience. That worry was quite unfounded. Having Master watch me masturbate is highly arousing. He massaged around my vulva as I masturbated with this wonderful g-spot tool. I loved how his strong touch enhanced the deep pleasures welling up from inside me.

I don’t even know how long we spent having sex. Time suspended. We did so many things…he fucked my sopping wet pussy after I came masturbating for Him…I licked his ass and fucked it with my tongue…he tried to fuck my ass (more on that later)…he blindfolded me…he whipped me with something new (he wouldn’t tell me what it was) and I loved it…he fucked my pussy with my g-spot tool and watched the cum come out of me like a waterfall…he pulled on one of my nipples while doing this and I came (with cum) instantly, which pleased me no end…he then put his cock in my pussy and I ejaculated with him inside me (which pleasantly surprised him)….I licked his nipples and He came…I asked to lick his balls and reveled in savoring them…while down there I explored his ass with my tongue again…I licked his nipples one more time…He came again…and I lapped up every last drop of cum before resting in his arms.

We spent the rest of the day together, and I enjoyed spending so much uninterrupted time with him. In fact, I didn’t even realize how late it was when he finally got up to leave.

He called me on his way home, which was wonderful since I didn’t really want our day to end. He gave me an assignment to work on stretching my ass with my dildo over the next two weeks, which I will eagerly do. We then talked and talked until he got home. I love how we still have so much we’re learning about each other.

I slept soundly and deeply…the best I’ve slept in a while actually. I woke gradually this morning. I feel very content, but I also have an empty feeling.

I hate this feeling after he leaves. In the past, it has triggered other feelings related to times as a child when I felt left alone. Before when I didn’t recognize that I was being triggered, I’d focus on whatever I felt was not perfect about our relationship and we’d deal with that for however many days. I look back and I lament how the old marred the new…and how confusing it must have been for Master to have a great time with me and then have me be so sad or mad or upset afterwards.

Since joining FetLife, I’ve realized there is a term for this: subdrop. I didn’t realize that most (if not all) subs experience this. From my reading I know it can vary in degrees. I’d say today is a mild case of subdrop. Still I’d rather do without it!

When I start to feel the emptiness, I close my eyes and caress my body. I lightly touch my nipples and tug on the rings. I imagine Master is watching me or guiding me and asking me to soothe myself since he’s not here. I think about suckling his cock. He and I have joked that it is my “pacifier.” I take my dildo and suckle it. Surprisingly, it does help.

I’ve always struggled with my needs…that I am somehow bad for having them. It’s taken me a lot to untangle those messages…and it’s in times like these when I can be with the feelings rather than succumbing to them that I realize how far I’ve come.

I know He is not going away. I feel that comfort more and more each day. I also feel Him weaving more and more into the fiber of my being. In that sense, I feel myself going through a metamorphosis. I will not just one day suddenly be His slave…I am becoming His slave.

me: “I finished my work. May I play with my toys before going to bed?”

Him: “No toys tonight. Get some rest.”

After my discovery this weekend of female ejaculation and multiple orgasms, I’ve been kind of addicted to my dildo! I told Master he’d have to come confiscate it from me so I could get work done this week. It was a fun and playful exchange where he pretended he was talking through a megaphone saying, “…just back away.  That’s it, back away from the dildo.” He also told me, “Stop…don’t touch,” which I took to heart.

So, with my work done last night, I knew I needed to ask permission now before playing with my toys. I wanted the answer to be yes but figured the answer would be no. Both answers are very arousing to me. If he’d said yes, I’m sure I would have enjoyed another round of multiple orgasms and feeling that wonderfully warm female cum spurt out of my pussy with each one.

He said no though, so I didn’t. I noticed a nervous twitch as I tried to go to sleep. The kept feeling the urge to reach for the vibrator as I usually do before I go to sleep each night.

I woke up this morning with that same urge. I feel like I’m trying to turn around in a very tight space…wanting to masturbate and knowing he’s said no. No blindfolds, no cuffs, no rope…yet he’s got me restrained. He’s not in the same room with me yet he’s got me all tied up.

My pussy pulses. Even in my everyday activities, I’m in a constant state of arousal, feeling like my legs are spread no matter what I’m doing. My pussy’s exposed and available to respond to His will.

It’s in moments like these that I already feel owned.

This is how I spent my Saturday afternoon…I tend to get wet (very wet) but this is the first time I’ve been aware of ejaculating! The dildo was in me when it happened, so I didn’t squirt (i.e. projectile squirting). The liquid was so warm and wonderful. It felt amazing. I didn’t really feel an orgasm, though (or if I did it was pretty subtle). I wanted to orgasm, so I kept playing with my g-spot with another toy. This time I ejaculated again and then had a vaginal only orgasm! It wasn’t the most intense orgasm I’ve had, but it was still very satisfying!

Saturday mornings are nice. You don’t have to jump out of bed and start the day. I’m also relishing that August has arrived after a very hectic July, and I’m looking forward to life calming down a bit.

I hug my pillow while laying on my side. I imagine I’m laying in Master’s arms. I notice my breath and take long, slow inhales and exhales. I had many little reminders this week of how I am His, and I smile as I remember each one of them. Sometimes I feel antsy when I’m having these wonderful feelings and he’s not right here, right now to share them with me. But this morning I breathe and let myself sink into the Truth: I’m His.

I roll onto my back and open my legs. The cool air highlights the dampness between them. Thinking of Him keeps me at least on simmer and in a steady state of wetness. The air carries a whiff of my pussy. I love the smell of sex! I especially love the way I smell after he’s fucked me, and our bodily fluids and scents are mingled together. I caress my thighs and imagine Him looking at my pussy. I like being under His watchful eye.

I gently pull on my nipple ring and chuckle to myself remembering how he commented this week that he didn’t realize he was getting me  a new toy when he purchased these circular barbells back in February.

I run my fingers ever so lightly over the delicate skin of my breast. My nipple hardens. I keep it aroused tracing soft circles around it. I think about masturbating but I imagine Him telling me, “No…wait.” The thought ripples with a surge of pleasure through my body straight down to my pussy. I stretch my whole body trying to disperse the excitement. I don’t touch my clit, but I know it’s hard. I rock my hips back and forth slowly and rhythmically. I feel the primal, deep need to be fucked rising inside me. I stretch again, not wanting to give in…not yet.

I spread my legs wider. Open. Waiting. Ready.