surrendering to who I am…

20 questions, part deux


I posted a blog entry named “20 questions” in March 2011. While doing a refresh of the look & feel of my blog, I reviewed older entries. This one seemed ripe for an update.


1. I hate it when…I feel conflicted about what I want. Sometimes it feels like a puzzle that will never get solved.

2. I fear…both sharing myself with the world and NOT sharing myself with the world. I know I have a lot to contribute as a thought leader, so I fear that I won’t realize my potential in that regard. However, I also fear the ideas I’d share would provoke ire or consternation that gets directed at me. I know it would be more about people reconciling the ideas I share for themselves than about me. Still, I wonder if I have what it takes to weather that.

3. I need…nourishment. My focus these days is on what nourishes me: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. In doing so, I’m also going to a deeper level of knowing what I need and then being able to ask for what I would like.

4. I want to meet…a woman who is a “friend with benefits.” I’d love to have a girlfriend who is not my partner, but for whom sex with each other is a natural expression of our enjoyment of each other.

5. I’m hungry for…opportunities to serve Him.

6. I love it when…Master and I are in sync, and I can serve with few or no words. It is not about mind reading, just the culmination of knowledge of each other and a tender, caring and implicit understanding of what he desires in the moment.

7. I’m afraid of…leaving the ones I love behind if I move forward with my life and achieve dreams while they make choices (consciously or unconsciously) to keep themselves tangled in the patterns where they only hope for something better but never truly reach for it.

8. I want to get…my master bathroom remodeled. It’s long overdue.

9. I can…make new choices in any given moment, and I finally believe that for myself.

10. I can’t…just follow someone because they asked me to. I need to connect with and feel my devotion and passion for the path we’d be on together.

Note: I chose this as my answer because there was a time when I wondered if I would follow just anybody (especially if my submissiveness was “tapped” in the right way). I realize now that following someone out of feeling a lack of something in my life vs. following someone because it activates parts of myself that make me feel more alive are two very different things.

11. I’m nervous to…make some of my sexual fantasies a reality, but I would also really like to make some of them come true.

12. I’m happy when…I feel authentically connected to myself and/or others in a given moment. The happiness and joy permeate at lots of different levels, and I have a deep appreciation for Life in those moments.

13. I’m sad when…I feel or sense loneliness either in myself or others.

14. I love watching…movies and documentaries Master wants to watch with me (or encourages me to watch on my own). I enjoy them in and of themselves, and they also inform me more about Master’s point of view (what he likes, what he thinks about, etc.).

15. I love listening to…the sounds Master makes as he devours me.

16. I’m looking forward to…transforming my business to be more in alignment with my passions and who I am.

17. I like waking up to…Master fucking me, and uttering “good morning” to each other after we’re through.

18. I’m glad that…I’m a strong, independent, submissive woman. That is – no doubt – a living koan, but a path I embrace more and more every day.

19. I’m disappointed that…my life may not include children I bear myself, although I’m not ready to mourn that yet.

20. I wish I could…travel the world and live in different places temporarily while still having a place I can always call home.

Note: I copied the original post and then deleted all the answers. I did not refer to the old post while writing answers to this new one. It’s interesting to which ones are similar and which ones are different. I’m also smiling that the answer to #5 came out exactly the same on both. 

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surrendering to who I am…




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